Monday, November 05, 2007

Monday Messages

Dear Thrifty Stores,
Oh, how I love you! I am SO addicted to spending time & MONEY with you! This is bad. Especially when you have half price sales on everything in the store, that tempts me to spend my entire lunch hour and then some browsing through your racks. AGH. One thing though, I know you generally are run by volunteers, but on these half price sale days, could you please get a few more volunteers to staff your store? Like on that second register? And while you're at it, maybe get a couple volunteers that move at the speed of molasses, b/c that would still be an improvement over the amount of time I spent in the extremely long line at your ONE register today. That was fifteen minutes I could have spent collecting more stuff to buy. *sigh* I will still love you, but our relationship could be so much more satisfying if you'd work on those little frustrating areas a bit. Okay? Thank you! You're a peach! Oh, and also thank you for having three really cute pairs of NICE kids shoes in the right sizes for my kids today. It was super nice to find those on a half price day! It doesn't help my spending habits much, but the thrifter in me really appreciated it. See you again soon!
Thrifty Mommy

Dear Munchkin,
My finger hurts. Just because you had a bad day at school and didn't like the consequences that you got when you got home does not give you the right to rip the skin off my finger with your teeth. Also, stop kicking the wall. You have been in bed for two hours now pouting and refusing to go to sleep. This is really irritating me and I'm finding myself taking lots of deep breaths. What is really irritating me is that I was very calm about your bad behavior today and handled all of it really well, but then you shredded my right finger, rendering my right hand fairly useless and I lost a good bit of my so carefully guarded patience. What is with you anyways? You're three! Why do you have the bad behaviors of an older child but refuse to have matching good behaviors? This is really frustrating the point that I even had to get daddy to help me with you tonight b/c I was so frustrated. I'm very angry with you tonight....I'm not HAPPY, BOB!!!!! What is it going to take to get through to you that this behavior is unacceptable?
Your mommy with the throbbing finger who loves you anyways

Dear K-man,
Although your fit tonight over bedtime was much like usual, I would like to express my appreciation that you actually DID fall asleep in approximately 40 minutes, which is NOT much like usual, since the usual of late is about twice that at least. Just thought I'd let you know that I am glad you picked tonight to give me less of a hard time.

Dear Hollywood,
I would like to apply for the position of actress. I believe I am qualified based soley on my performance tonight as a wounded, battlescarred mother who was getting her mangled finger cleaned out and bandaged by the father while the child who instigated the wound looked on in awe and much sympathy as the blood gushed out. While it wasn't completely an act, it was very, VERY much put on in an attempt to let said child see how much her actions had hurt mommy and hopefully make enough of an impression that she will think twice before inflicting damage like that again. As further proof of my incredible skills, the father who was playing the doctor role actually quietly (so as not to alert the said child) inquired about my well-being to be sure that I WAS putting it on and was not truly in that much pain. I'm not sure, but I think the child got the picture as at one point she broke down crying and went off to pout when the father re-emphasized that it was HER actions that were causing mommy such pain. If not a starring role, I believe I could at least play an excellent supporting role....perhaps one supporting Matthew McConaughey???
Thank you for your time and consideration.
The Acting Mommy

Dear Cats,
As if it wasn't enough to pee on the plastic protected couch that we just cleaned, then you had to go puke up a hairball on my laptop. What is with you and the kids. Are you guys working together to make us go insane? All I can say is you better be glad my laptop was closed b/c if you'd puked in my keyboard, I'd have HAD TO KILL YOU!!!! It's a conspiracy. I know it. You don't want me blogging, do you? The kid eats my finger so I have a hard time typing and you try to take out my computer. Okay, that's it. You're going to the vet tomorrow. Oh yeah, I was going to do that anyways, but still. UGH.
Love (although you're making it a bit difficult)
Your Frustrated Mommy

Dear Santa,
How bout bringing me some sanity for Christmas. And patience. And while you're at it, how about some free time? Just thought I'd ask. I've been really good this year. Well, mostly. HA. Except when I've been putting spiders under my husband's pillows. But we won't talk about that.
Doesn't Believe In Santa

Dear Jesus,
Could you, like, pass along some of those things I was just asking Santa for? B/c I DO believe in you and you're way real and I know you could probably take care of all those things...even the impossible ones. Like sanity for me. Ha. Or like....uh....making the kids listen and behave. Double HA. Um. And could ya overlook the spider thing? *smiles* Thanks. I owe you. More than I could ever repay. Seriously!
Love always,
"Hanging In There" Me

Dear Sunday,
You were such a welcome break. I was so pleasantly surprised at how well we all did yesterday and we actually got to (mostly) enjoy two services and didn't have too much trouble was so nice. I really hoped it was a good sign, but it seems you were just the calm before the storm. As much as that disappoints me, I am very thankful for the break we had with you yesterday. It was very much appreciated. I'm just going to keep remembering that instead of thinking about today. Thanks for the pleasant memory.
Church-Going Mommy who normally ends up being Nursery Spending Timeouts Mommy


  1. Anonymous11:52 AM

    I don't believe Mr. McConaughey is an option.

    Love, your hubby.

  2. ROFL!!! no McConaughey. LOL!!!! No worries, hubby, you're much better looking anyways!! *HUGE GRIN* LOVE YOU HONEY!!! LOL!!!!

  3. Oh y'all are SWEET! I love the letters, and honestly I could've typed them myself at other times in my life. Strong Willed 3 year old daughter (2 years ago-now she's a Strong Willed 5 year old), check; Cat who pukes up disgusting things in inconvenient places, check; Children who don't go to sleep, check; praying to Jesus to give me well-behaved children, or the patience to deal with the ones He gave me, double-check! I hopped over from Janelle's blog, and found a kindred spirit! Thanks!

  4. I really come to expect these Monday letters, you know. I have been so busy lately. (Although it seems as if I have nothing to show for it!) I LOL when I read your letter to Hollywood, and Jesus too. :) He gives good gifts!

  5. I hope your finger heals and your mind gets restored. Of course, it is now Thursday so all those things are in the past :)

    I love your Monday Messages!

  6. Jules5:10 PM

    I am a little behind on reading all of your blogs and was reading this one out loud to Clay and he wants to know when you have time to type all of these up? I told him you blog at midnight. :o) Thanks for the laugh! :o)


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