Death Is Hard

I know it's been forever since I wrote last. It's sure been a year...quite literally. It seems like there's been a lot of funerals just since 2022 started; we've lost several at church, some that we used to go to church with, other folks we've known a long time. 

This one hit closer to home. My aunt Eva lost her battle with cancer on Good Friday. She fought like a champ since she was diagnosed at the end of 2021, but she had a tough go of it. She was the aunt closest to my mom in age, and she was always the "cool" aunt who traveled to all kinds of places and had amazing adventures and stories to tell when she was back in for a visit. She was a strong, brave, kind, generous, and thoughtful person, who always took time to connect with the niece that was incredibly intimidated by her awesomeness. It's just hard to put together that she's gone so fast. You never know when the last time you'll see someone might have been. I don't remember if it was a funeral or a visit to her house a couple of years ago, but that last hug goodbye happened sometime and I didn't know it'd be the last when it did. 

Maybe it's the getting old in me, but life feels a whole lot more fragile than it did when I was a kid. 

So I came back to the blog today, trying to figure out when I went to visit them that time I took pictures for my uncle's band. 

This blog is definitely a memory jogger. I really need to write more often so I can fall back on it when I need help with my memory. ANYWAY, going through my pictures looking for Aunt Eva, also brought back lots of memories, and I thought I'd jump on here real quick and post. 

Rest in peace, Aunt Eva, you are loved and missed. 

To Laugh Often and Much

By Ralph Waldo Emerson

To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of the intelligent people
and the affection of children;
to earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty;
to find the best in others;
to leave the world a bit better
whether by a healthy child,
a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;
to know that one life has breathed easier
because you lived here.
This is to have succeeded.

May the Road Rise Up to Meet You

Irish Blessing – Author Unknown

May the road rise up to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
May the rains fall soft upon fields
And until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

Positively Painful

Still not doing so hot at the blogging thing but I didn't get any backlash from my last rant, so I guess it's safe enough to come back and do it again. I'm also not doing so hot at being positive but I'm trying. 

Shut up, Yoda...I know there is only do or do not. I don't care. Hahah. 

We got a new dog...just one. She's not Obi and Ahsoka but she's sweet. She's an adult rescue named Rosie and she sheds more than our last two put together! Sheesh. LOL Lucky for me (and her) that KC didn't know she was going to shed that much when we rescued her or he would have never said yes to getting her! Hahaha! Now we're all attached, so she's staying, fur and all. LOL. We also got a black cat...it was supposed to be KC's cat, but it loves the dog, who is glued to me, therefore it has kinda ended up as my cat even though it missed the memo where I'm not the cat person in this house! I've nearly choked him several times...he really likes to climb all over us and meow and wake up the dog at 4am....and I'm pretty fond of sleeping at 4am...which is not the greatest combo. But other than that, he's not too bad. Haha! 

In other news, we got the Rona for my birthday...worst gift ever. Still dragging from that, although the worst part of it was just fatigue...kind of felt like having Mono again. It caused a hiccup in my cleaning job because that job requires a ton of energy and at this point (4 weeks later) I still barely have enough energy to clean my own house! But I've been able to go back to my other part time job that isn't as energy draining as the cleaning. 

The TDQ is driving now. She finally got enough saved to get a little older model car. Hopefully it will not get wrecked but I've rode with her a couple of times so far, and it will be a miracle if it looks as good as it does now by the time she gets done with it. I can't relate to her struggle...she can barely maneuver the car into an angled parking space...I was backing my parent's minivan out of the carport and pulling it up the driveway to the house for them when I was 11....kids these days. *insert eye roll* At least she has worked her butt off and put effort toward getting it. I'm trying to be patient and not freak out or get too annoyed with her latest obsession. LOL 

It is so hard sometimes. Patience is tough. Drat it. Teenagers will suck all the patience and goodness right out of you! I don't know how people do it. Two lousy teenagers and it's killing me...these people with a gazillion kids absolutely amaze me. How do they have that many teenagers and cheerfully survive? I must be doing something wrong. 

Anywho...then I got volun-told into doing the youth activities at one of the campmeetings I'm planning to attend this summer in NC...and then I volunteered to take like 13 of our youth girls from church here to the camp there in NC....evidently I'm just a glutton for punishment. Hah! On that high note, I'm out. 

Might make it back sometime. LOL

Cranky Pants

Blast it. I am in a fine, feathered mood. Clearly, it's not been a mood for blogging...as I have been absent for what feels like decades. 

2020 is getting on my last nerve. This year is so not my favorite. I was working on Christmas cards and I usually put a family update on the back for anyone who cares to know what we've been up to each year. This year I wrote about three sentences and then scratched off the idea of an update. 

No one wants to be depressed like that. Our senior dogs got sick and crossed the rainbow bridge this year. I've cried for months. No way to put a positive spin on that. Stinkin' virus shut-downs and quarantines delivered way too much time stuck at home with the terrible teens. Nope, that doesn't sound very nice. I am now working several part time jobs just to get out of my house and away from previously mentioned beings. Yeah, that's bad...oops. I feel like one of the rare few that disagrees with the logic of mask mandates...for multiple reasons, and yet I'm outnumbered even in my own house....which makes me question my own sanity. Am I really the crazy one? Don't want to talk about that. Politics...well that's really gone bonkers this year. Definitely better leave THAT alone. 

Sufferin' succotash. 

Also...I jumped off the "quit drinking soda" wagon. Three years of separation between me and my beloved Dr. Pepper. No more of that mess...we best buddies again. I'm literally a pepperholic. Hi, my name is Faith...

Anyway, this year's Christmas update consists of our new address and best wishes for a huge improvement of events in 2021. Best I could do. I'm a glowing ray of sunshine these days...NOT. I probably shouldn't blog either, but since the blog has been virtually abandoned and no one will see it, it feels like a fairly safe place to vent a bit of my cranky pant frustration. 

Lord help. I need it. 

Remembering Wally

I got really sad news this past week. One of my favorite co-worker/friends moved on from this world to the next. Time and distance somewhat hindered that friendship the last few years, but we stayed in occasional contact through Facebook. I tried to get with him in person last year when I was in town, but our schedules never worked out, and I was going to try again this summer when I came up. I had no idea his health had gotten so bad that I wouldn’t have another chance, and that breaks my heart, even though I know he’s much better off. Another mutual friend posted, “now he has all the answers.” I’m truly happy for Wally (his nickname on this blog), that he’s got the ultimate healing, but so sad that he’s not just a phone call away anymore.

So, since he was one of my biggest encouragers to start this blog (and to keep it going), I thought I would post one more in his memory.

I keep starting and deleting paragraphs. This is really hard. I’m not great with words, and I’m horrible with feelings. Everything I start to write, I hear Wally saying, stop that and just remember the laughter. And boy howdy, did we ever laugh. He made tough workdays bearable just by making me laugh. It wasn’t part of my original job to help him in Studio B, but when he lost one of his assistants to budget cuts, I gladly picked up the slack. Those ended up being some of my favorite memories of working with Wally. He would talk about what I said on my blog, we would chat about microphones (he had some cool ones!), he would tell me stories from his California days, he talked about his family and asked about mine, and just random conversations while we worked on getting the studio set up for his sessions. He showed me how to set up the microphones, where to put the wires…every setup was a little different, but he eventually got me trained…through a lot of laughter when I got it wrong. The gaffe tape especially…I would try to get the gaffe tape over the wires just right…he was very particular about that, but he NEVER got mad, just laughingly ragged me and made me redo it…again and again…lol…I was so happy when I finally learned the way he wanted it and would get it right on the first try.

He would tell you exactly how it was, and he pulled no punches, but when you were his friend, you knew he had your back. He loved God, he loved his family, and he loved his friends. It was my honor and utter privilege to have been one of the latter.

In conclusion, I’ve never been more grateful that he pushed me to keep blogging, because I was able today to go back through and pull out a few specific mentions of him that brought back memories I had forgotten. So I will close with these blog post bits.

Thats about all the interesting news I have for the day. I only got hit on by Wally today....and he only did that b/c he was making fun of me for that last blog entry....and b/c it bugs me. LOL....and he was actually literally punching me in the shoulder. Like I said, he was laughing at me and poking fun. Isn't that sweet? LOL...I guess I can take it from him....but he's only one of the select few allowed to poke fun. *grin* Shhhh...don't tell him. LOL. (August 16, 2006)

I had a duh moment today. (act surprised, will ya?) I got to work and Wally mentioned to me that the Flickr account that I've been using for my blog pics is linked to my main yahoo mail, not my blog yahoo mail....the main yahoo mail has my name on it. Ooops. I've created a flickr under my blog yahoo now, so all I have to do is go back and figure out which ones are where in my blog and re-upload them all under the new name. URGH. What a pain. I can't believe I missed that. (February 15, 2007)

…And Wally.....who asked if the foot in my mouth was the one with the ingrown toenail......
Pause for a moment while I laugh out loud......
Okay.....anyways, Wally.....I think I'll have to draw the line on answering that question. Ya know....I wouldn't want to give TOO much information out on here. ROFL!!! There are some things that should just remain a secret forever. Like whether or not I've got an ingrown toenail on the foot that was in my mouth. LOL. (June 4, 2007)

What do you hope to achieve or accomplish with your blog? Have you been successful? If not, do you have a plan to achieve those goals?
Um, it started out as just a place to have an outlet for my thoughts and random details of my life, and it's still that, but now, one of my biggest kicks is making Wally laugh at whatever I'm blogging about at the time (hahah). And since both of those things seem to happen fairly often, then, yes, I guess that means I have been successful. =) (June 11, 2007 

…If it ain't one thing, it's half a zillion others. *sigh*
Wally asked me the other day if I had a "hot key" for that *sigh* thing. No, I sure don't, but I use it so often, it would save me at least 50 keystrokes per blog entry if I did. End of sentence. Press F7. Write another paragraph, insert F7. (December 7, 2007)

After leaving the bluegrass music this evening, sitting in the car while Daddy's pumping gas:
(a little history is that "Uncle Wally," which is what munchkin calls a guy I used to work with that I was talking to at the festival, was kidding around with the munchkin after I told him we were heading off to take our hot and grumpy kids to the air conditioned grocery store to pick up some much needed groceries and tells her, "Okay, I need toilet paper and laundry powder.....oh and FROSTED Flakes, too. Did you get all that?" Of course, she giggled, so I thought she caught on to the fact that he was kidding.....LOL.....okay so back to the car scene:)
Munchkin: "Mom, don't forget, when we get to the store, Unca Waw-we needs to'wet paper and.....um....what else?"
Mommy: "Frosted Flakes."
Munchkin: "YEAH. Fwosted Fwakes and.....um....what else?"
Mommy (laughing): "Honey, Uncle Wally was just playing with you. He doesn't really want you to get all those things for him."
Munchkin: "Nuh UH, he needs to-wet paper!!"
Mommy: "I'm sure if he needs it, he'll get it the next time he goes to the grocery store."
Munchkin (insistently): "No, he needs it NOW!"
(July 3, 2008)

Randomosity….Or as my friend, Wally says: “because you just NEVER know!”  (LOL) (December 19, 2010)

In recent years, I haven’t blogged as much, hence the lack of recent mentions, but here’s his photo of us (altered his name to what he went by on my blog) and his last birthday wish to me on Facebook that I somehow missed last year =(, (although we’ve talked since then, I only just saw this when I went looking for this picture):

Faith.Wife.Mom.Photographer.Artist.House Painter.Dog Wrangler.Child of God.One Funny Lady.My buddy.Today is Mizz Faith's Birthday. She is sumpin' else. I bet she is at the beach with those two beast she calls dogs. God Bless you and all in your life.

Farewell, my friend, until we meet again.

The End of an Era

e·ra

ˈirə,ˈerə/

noun

a long and distinct period of history with a particular feature or characteristic.

"his death marked the end of an era"
synonyms: epoch, age, period, phase, time, span, eon;

Ends are never very fun, goodbyes are some of the hardest things to handle…even ones who’s effects are lessened by geographical distance.

This place is nowhere near me now, but today marks the last service in this little NC church. This church in which I have spent countless hours in worship, in service, in VBS, in weddings (one of which was my own), in choir practices, in choir recordings, in workdays (like the one where we got into paint mischief), and like that post on paint mischief, this church also became the topic of more than one blog post (although, occasionally the references were vague to avoid causing trouble—I know…me? trouble? Never! LOL).

No, I don’t attend there anymore, haven’t in years, for a variety of reasons…one of which is the reason today was the last service there. They moved to a new location closer to the communities where most of their regular attendees live, and that makes total sense. When you build relationships with people, it’s usually people in your community. And when you get to the point of inviting them to church, not only are you asking them to give up precious weekend time (let’s get real, we all love the weekend), but you’re also asking for an extra hour (or more) of their time just to drive. That makes it tough.

So I get it.

And I also get that not everything in that building’s history was sunshine and flowers. Lord knows, I get that. I weathered a few of the storms myself. But I also know that when I remember that place now, I remember the good times…the glory of God…the love…the imperfect people like me.

And I hope that these imperfect people like me will carry it on in their local community so that it will be the beginning of a new and even better era. 

Imperfect: by that I mean, capable of making mistakes and human error, not intentionally choosing wrongdoing….that term without clarification makes me cringe…but that’s a topic for another day. LOL

In Regards To Last Post

The answer is: Not well. That’s how it goes. Both in blogging regularity AND in the poor neglected header situation. I guess I’ll just keep this header for awhile longer. LOL. Besides all that, the family was cuter then than now, so we’ll just stick with that. Pretend it says 2017.

It is winter. I think. We spent two weeks in Florida in February, and I wore flipflops and shorts and loved every minute. Then we came home to early spring, and I wore long sleeves but no coat….

Suddenly, it’s the artic and even a coat isn’t warm enough. WHERE IS SUMMER?

Or at least spring!? Also, while I’m ranting, homeschooling my angry child is really difficult. I am SO ready to quit. But I can’t.

Fun times!

I need to be like this lettuce in my garden. Photo taken at this very moment of blogging.

It came up on its own. It’s somehow survived 2 snows, several frosty mornings, and quite a few days where the high temperatures have barely been above freezing. It’s defying the odds, while still tasting lovely and looking beautifully fresh.

*deep breath*

Be happy and sweet despite getting constant cold shoulders er…weather.

Be like lettuce. (or at least like THIS lettuce!)

Life Is Good (Part 2)

So on Tuesday at noon, my lovely antagonistic gallbladder was removed from my body. Full of stones and infected, the little bugger.

Guess I can now check “get stitches” off my bucket list.

I went straight from the doctors office to the same day surgery center at the hospital on Tuesday and thankfully, both the doctor office AND the same day surgery center have much more comfortable waiting rooms than the ER. And even more thankfully, I didn’t need to spend as much time in either one of them. I think the amount of time between being seen in the doctor’s office and coming out of surgery minus a gallbladder was about equal to the amount of time we spent in the ER on Sunday morning. I don’t care now though, I’m just glad I don’t hurt now like I was hurting on Sunday morning.

When I checked into same day surgery, they put me right in a room and prepped me for surgery (prepped as in: made me wear a terribly unfashionable yard of fabric with strings that let in WAYYY too much air in the back end, and gave me a nice IV which was probably one of the most painful parts of the whole thing…she was great at putting it in, but I just am not on friendly terms with things that poke me).

So I made sure that the anesthesiologist was aware that I’m a lightweight and my body might get too relaxed and want to stop breathing but I would very much like to make sure I wake up at the end of the surgery. He made a note and said not to worry, he’d make sure of it, and they really liked to have all of their patients wake up at the end. LOL. The note was probably just for my reassurance, but it worked. LOL.

It finally got to noon and they rolled me back. He said he was going to give me a little test shot of anesthesia in my IV while we were going down the hall. About 2 minutes later my blinks resembled something more like 30 second cat naps. Like I said, lightweight. I remember rolling into the OR and thinking…hmmm…this doesn’t really look like Grey’s Anatomy. LOL. Then they asked me to slide over onto the table and I bobbled my way over like a little drunk lady. They put my arm out to the side and then I was waking up in the recovery room. Only, I didn’t really know it was the recovery room and I wasn’t really awake. I was just rolling around in the bed trying to get away from this awful pain in my stomach. They got the pain under control and FINALLY I was able to get some ice chips for the awful dry mouth. Those were the best ice chips ever. Then they took me back to a room where I could get real clothes on again, and off I went.

Okay, it wasn’t that simple. I had to sign a bunch of papers, I had to move at the speed of molasses in Alaska to get dressed, and then I got a lovely wheelchair ride to the door.

But I finally got home. Everything was good…except for all the gas. HOLY cow! That part hurt almost as much as the gallstones.

But even that went away by today. Today was much better. Except for the part where I took a shower and almost passed out because I looked at my stitches. Wooh.

I’m slowly feeling better. I can’t wait for the soreness to go away so I can get back to doing stuff. Being sick is not for me. LOL. It has been SO nice how everyone has jumped in to take care of me though…I feel VERY loved. People have brought in food, treats, flowers, and dropped by to visit or stay with me. I’ve gotten a ton of texts and emails and facebook messages and phone calls…it’s been amazing. I’ve been told to enjoy the rest. I’m trying. It’s so hard when I’m so used to DOING. Being busy. Not sitting in a chair all day. LOL. So I’ve colored a few pages, slept a LOT, read a book brought to me by a lovely friend, nibbled at some food, and that’s pretty much it. Very UN-busy…but I’m still so tired.

But life is still good and it’s getting better. I’m just glad that little bugger is out and I’m on the recovery side. Whew. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel and I think this is one that’s safe to go to…lol. 

Life Is Good

Even though I’ve been horrible at blogging it. LOL. So, since last post over a month ago, I’ve worked on the house, worked on photographing events and people, decided to homeschool our kids next year, taken a continuing education class on InDesign, read a few books, cooked a few meals, proctored end of grade testing at three different middle schools, and generally stayed extremely busy. Looking at my calendar just makes me a little dizzy.

Or maybe that’s the medication. Oh. Did I mention that yesterday, after like 8 years of mostly peaceful co-existence with my gallstones, they decided to stop the cease-fire and attack with a vengeance? They did. Woke me up at 1am and sent me to the bathroom puking. I thought it was just really bad heartburn at first, but the antacids didn’t even touch the pain. After about the third episode of getting way too friendly with the porcelain throne, I decided it might be a good idea to just go on to the ER. (Okay, it wasn’t exactly decided on my own, KC was pretty insistent, because we were both pretty sure it was those dratted gallstones acting up.)

And after I quit Dr. Pepper completely, too! SMH

Anywho, we got to the ER around 4am. After sitting in the miserably uncomfortable ER waiting room for 2.5 hours, during which I was forced into becoming uncomfortably and intimately acquainted with THEIR porcelain throne, and was reduced to silent tears at least twice, we were finally taken back to a room.

The doctor said it looked like my gallbladder and they would do an ultrasound to see what was happening. Then they ran the typical rounds of tests, and put an IV in my wrist for meds. Kudos to the nurses for hitting my poor dehydrated veins on the first try without having to dig around to find them. That’s happened to me before when I WAS hydrated prior to the sticks. Fun times.

Then they gave me some meds. Funner times. One for nausea…yay…no more hugging up on strange toilets! After that one, came an antibiotic and a pain-killer. I remember very little after that. I remember hearing voices talking, someone telling me to breathe, people saying I was sleeping (in which I wanted to say,no, I’m not, I can still hear you!…although I have no idea what else they said, just that they were talking a lot, so maybe I WAS sleeping), then I opened my eyes and KC wasn’t sitting beside me anymore and I had no idea how I got there, when I opened my eyes again, some nurse said she was going to do the ultrasound, then she told me to breathe a couple of times, then I opened my eyes and KC was next to me again and he was laughing.

Anyway, another day has passed since I started this post. It takes me multiple days to blog now…I have to pause for nap breaks every five minutes.

I never did find out what KC was laughing at when I woke up in the ER in my last paragraph. He says he didn’t take embarrassing pictures but we’ll see. LOL. The nurse or doc or somebody came back in right as I was trying to wake up enough to find out what was so funny, and they were telling me that apparently, me being such a lightweight when it comes to pain meds, I went out super fast and relaxed so much that I stopped breathing and my oxygen dropped. Woops. And that explained why I woke up with the oxygen on my face and why people kept squeezing my feet and telling me to breathe.

So anyway, they wouldn’t do anything Sunday because it was Sunday. They said to call first thing on Monday morning, so we did. They first said I could come in for an appointment on Thursday morning to see if I needed surgery. I was like whoa there…I am stuck in zombie land because if I don’t take the pain meds it hurts like the devil, and I can’t be stuck in zombie land until THURSDAY just to be seen, much less waiting even longer for the surgery. Of course, I said it nicely. But anyway, they called back a few minutes later and said, Tuesday morning you’ll see the doc. Much better! Then this morning the doc checked me out and said we could do it anytime in the next couple of days. Naturally, KC and I were both like…today? We didn’t really think he’d say okay, but he did.

Anyways, I’ll have to come back again later. Meds are zombify-ing me again and I can’t think clearly.

Life is good!

Lessons From The Walking Dead

So my hubby finally got me hooked on WD. I resisted for the longest time just because I’m stubborn like that. It’s got some issues that I don’t care for (what TV show doesn’t anymore), but I try to make it a habit of looking for the good.

Anyway, the other night, a quote from Beth just smacked me in the gut. She said, “When you care about people, hurt is part of the package.”

Oh snap.

I had this huge, long post written out and then my app quit working. So all that is gone, and maybe for the best. But I still feel like I need this little positive pep talk for myself. Reminders.

Sometimes surviving is hard.
Sometimes it feels like it would be easier to just give in and be a zombie. Dead but still walking.
Sometimes you have to say goodbye to people you care about.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell the good guys and the bad guys apart. 
Sometimes you disagree.
Sometimes you do or say stupid things even when you’re trying to do or say all the right things.
Sometimes you have to forgive and be forgiven.
And we’re ALL infected.

Being human is hard. Surviving is hard. You need people, you need to be there for each other, you need family (whether they’re blood or not), and sometimes you have to do really hard things for their sake. Sometimes you have to keep going just for them.

And never stop hoping.

When you care about people, hurt is part of the package. Accept it and keep on caring.

Dear God, help that girl in my mirror.

Do You Have Joy, REAL Joy?

So, I’ve been contemplating this topic as of a few days ago but haven’t really felt like putting it into words. I still don’t, actually, but I know if I don’t, I’ll forget.

Maybe it’s better if I forget, but I’m gonna go with not forgetting and let it fly. LOL. Fair warning, hopefully this blog won’t offend anyone but if it does, it’s not intentional, just me and my opinions.

First, when I’m referring to joy, I’m thinking of the kind of joy David talks about in Psalm 16:11 (NIV)

¹¹ You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

There’s good people in lots of different churches. And when I say good, I mean: sweet, kind, fruit-of-the-spirit-exhibiting, Christ-followers. However, after going to many different places of worship, noting what seemed to me to be a collective spirit of heaviness and lack of real joy in one place of worship and seeing the contrast of the general feeling of joyful praise and worship in another, I totally don’t get how good people could stay stuck in the former. I’m not sure if I admire or pity their gumption for sticking out such misery. Churches are so much alike in many ways, in most cases, it’s not the style of worship or the message that is so different, it’s just the overall atmosphere. And as one who grew up in the system of beliefs (not calling out any specific church, just the general way of thinking) of the former, and now gratefully experience the freedom and joyful spirit of the latter, I feel like I see much more clearly BOTH sides. There’s good and bad, right and wrong on both sides, and there are good Christians, bad Christians, and sinners on both sides. But the one thing I love is being happy serving Jesus (and working to be more like Him…yes, I’m still working…I’m totally not there yet), and being around others who feel the same way. I think there’s people who are happy, and they love and serve Jesus, but they don’t seem happy serving Jesus. Obviously, many people DON’T fall in that category, but I think when the general population of a body of people falls into that, maybe that’s a little part of what creates that lack of joy in service (worship service or general serving).

That’s just my take on it. And everyone experiences gloomy days from time to time but if you’re a constant Eeyore, well…

And something else that seems to have a direct correlation to joy: I’ve found His yoke is easy and His burden is light. And when I took up HIS yoke instead of MAN’S yoke….

Well, I found joy, real joy, wonderful joy.

Now I just have to get the rest of the fruit of the spirit growing up in my life.

Love ya, mean it. =)

In Hindsight

Regret is a terrible thing.  Life is short and every so often, that fact slams you right in the face and you wish you’d taken more of the opportunities when they were there instead of waiting until you only WISHED they were there.

My uncle (on mom’s side) passed away over the weekend and although he hasn’t been in good health for many years, it’s never easy to lose someone you love.  He didn’t live close by and it was hard to get away to go down there, but now I wish I’d made the trip a few more times before now.  I wish, I wish, I wish. 

I drove down yesterday morning to be there for the receiving of friends yesterday evening (and yes, it felt like too little, too late, but I needed to make the effort) and then drove back home afterwards so I could be here to take the kids back to school this morning and would only have to find a couple of hours of childcare between after school and KC getting home (by the way, huge thank you to KC’s mom for doing that).  So while I was sitting there in the funeral home last night, I got to listen to my uncle’s brother (who I had never met before) talk…he sounded SO much like my uncle.  It was wonderful and sad at the same time. 

I’ll never forget my uncle…he called everybody “Sug" (like short for Sugar), he “carried us to the store” to get candy when we were kids, he would bring us vegetables from his garden, take us for rides on his tractor, he was famous for his barbeque, I loved listening to him talk to my dad about his jobs pulling wire for the electric company, he loved people, I don’t even remember how many times I heard him talking about “the good Lord above,” he could send a kickball sky high with his fist for us kids to chase…and he did…many times, he loved his diet pepsi and nutty bars, and even though I wasn’t one of his grandkids, he loved me like I was.  I didn’t see him as much as I wanted to, or as much as I should have, but boy, I sure do miss him. 

Makes you stop and think about taking the time to appreciate the ones you still have around. 

My goal is to live life with less regrets…because they stink. 

Another one of those things that is way easier to say than to do.  But anyway, I’m beyond exhausted from everything over the last couple of days, and I feel really foggy and maybe this doesn’t make any sense (which is normal, no matter how tired or rested I am), but it’s what I’ve had on my mind over the last couple of days.  And I’m going to end it here and put myself out of this fog and into the bed…may not solve anything, but it might improve it.  =/  Night. 

Back Again

I actually used a “real” camera for something that wasn’t vacation today.  Real, as in, not a phone or iPod camera.  As in, my Canon camera. 

I have SO not been feeling the creative juices lately, so it was awesome to feel some of that coming back. 

I hung around a little bit before and after dropping off and picking up the kids from horse camp today and snapped a few photos.  My ratio of good photos versus probably should be deleted photos seems to be slightly worse, due to lack of recent practice, but I still managed to get a few that I really liked. 

K-man:

He won the happiest camper award for always having a happy smile but he was bummed that camp was ending, so he didn’t exactly look like he should be holding that title when he picked up his award.  LOL

Munchkin got the being awesome and making people smile award.  LOL.  I’m not sure if this is why, but on the first day, I overheard her very seriously telling her instructor that she loved the mucking stalls part and it was her favorite part of horses.  ROFL.  The horse she was riding was named Champ and he kinda had scary eyes but he was super good with the kids. 

Anyway, they had a good time and seemingly did great without me there to supervise (lol).  *Big Mom-sized sigh of relief*

In other news, I’m thankful for my health.  I was a little concerned over some things and had to pray away my incessant worrying, but I got the all clear today, which was a huge answer to prayer.  Who knows, my health could do a 180 tomorrow and God would still be a good God, but He answered prayer today and for that, I’m extremely grateful. 

It seems like (with the exception of a few health worries), I’ve felt a lot of heaviness lift off of me, and a lot of peace filled its place, and I feel more like myself again lately.  Maybe that’s why blogging and other things requiring creative power are coming easier.  It’s easier to be creative if you don’t feel like it’s a struggle just to take a deep breath.  It’s a good feeling.  One more thing to be totally thankful for. 

But…it’s been another long and tiring (in a good way) day and I’m ready to run let the dogs out and then hit the hay…thanks for reading.  I love all ya’ll. =)

Musings and Ruminations

Parenting is the hardest, most underpaid, and most un-appreciated job in the universe.  

KC and I talk about it a lot…we have really good kids.  Really.  It just seems that when we turn our backs, they don’t always continue the good-ness.  And that’s what we’ve been talking about a lot lately.  It is really hard to find the balance between being overprotective and never allowing them to get into trouble versus letting them go do all the dumb things kids do so they will (hopefully) learn and grow from them.

I like to observe a lot to try to see what I’m doing wrong or right, and it seems to me, from all my observations, that too much control over our kids prevents them from having a brain and thinking for themselves.  For them to be functioning and mature, they are going to have to learn to think for themselves, which means less control from mom and dad…and also letting them suffer the pain of their dumb moves instead of always fixing it for them.  When it comes to applying this theory to my kids…well…I’m working on it. 

And here’s exhibit A, B, & C of me working on letting go of my kids a little bit:

4-H Horse Camp (three hours in the “wild” without mom – LOL) and swim team practice for Munchkin – double session (2 hours without mom).  Of course, that wasn’t all by my choice…circumstances and appointments sort of played a role, too, but they did have a good day and from all appearances, made good choices without me.  LOL. 

So I wonder if that would also apply to religions, too.  Living inside the box, by the “because I said so” rules, preventing logical thinking, also keeps its members from maturing and functioning well independently (or in other words, when their parents aren’t watching).  I’m not referring to anyone specifically, but I did just read a book about the Amish today.  Nothing wrong with a simpler way of life, by no means…I’m very much in the live and let live camp, but…well….I’ll keep the rest of my thoughts to myself…I can’t think of any politically correct, non-offensive way to finish that thought.  LOL. 

Blogging (or online journaling) is the SECOND-hardest, most underpaid, most un-appreciated job in the universe.  LOL. 

*Huge Sigh*

Drah-ma, drah-ma, DRAH-MA!  Not my thing.  I can deal with your Basic, Everyday, Low-key drama…(I mean, really…I’m a girl…I have my own fair share of BEL-K d) but then when it turns in to drahhhhh-maaaa….and so on…wellll…..

I hate that.

Today was not a “BEL-K d” day.  Consequently, I keep hearing myself suck in and heave huge sighs every few minutes. 

I have friends and family who are facing serious, life threatening or life altering health issues…and really I should just stop with that because that totally makes all my other current brain fodder seem super trivial. 

Yeah, I need to figure out my best option for cell phone service, I’m thinking about switching from verizon because I am so frustrated with them lately, but in light of what other people are facing, the great cell phone service provider debate seems like a totally shallow thing to be pondering.  (Although if you’d like to weigh in on the best plan with the best phone for the best price, of course I’d be interested in hearing it…lol)

Yes, I got frustrated by stupid things today.  Yes, I went to Sonic and ordered a Rt 44 Dr. Pepper because I needed a fix.  No, I didn’t get my house totally clean today and I’m never 100% on top of the laundry.  My cell phone is still as dumb as I am.  And sometimes I don’t think I’ll ever get all my ducks in a row or figure it all out.

But none of that is really important.   

¹ The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. ² He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters. ³ He restoreth my soul:  (Psalm 23:1-3)

The important thing is that God is always there offering wisdom and peace and grace and mercy and bringing me back to hope.

Your grace and mercy, brought me through
I'm living this moment because of You
I want to thank You, and praise You too
Your grace and mercy, brought me through…

I’m so undeserving.  But thankful with all my heart. 

First World Problems

So I hung out yesterday afternoon with my awesomely wonderful, sweet, amazing, brutally honest, terrific friend (who informed me that she’s such a great friend that she knows how to find my blog, so if I talk about her, I have to say lots of nice things).  Lucky for me, I would say nice things about her (because she IS a nice person) even if she didn’t know how to find my blog, which always makes for an easier time writing honestly.  Of course, I always write honestly, but when I’m talking about some people, I can’t say much because the honest truth isn’t very nice.  LOL.  And maybe they have the same problem when they’re talking about me…lol.  Sometimes it’s really hard to be nice…but not today. 

ANYWHOO…so we were talking about our shoes, and drink preferences, and etc. when she started telling me about hearing about this journalist over in a third world country and the problems and things they are facing, and how we are wanting to go on a mission trip to help somewhere in a third world country at some point this year and we started talking about how our problems are REALLY minor in comparison.  I don’t know if this is even an actual term, but…first world problems.  “Oh, my shoe is coming apart and looking worn out….REALLY?”  So I can go to the store and buy multiple new pairs if I want…I am SO blessed.  I bought a fountain drink a few weeks ago that was watered down and tasted nasty…SO?  Some people just want the clean water that was IN that fountain drink because they have to walk miles to get water and then it’s dirty and they have to purify it to drink it…I should not complain. 

Really puts a lot of things in perspective.  I don’t complain a lot, but sometimes just noticing that there’s a slow car holding me up…I just need to stop and appreciate that I have a running vehicle and that I’m ABLE to get behind a slow driver on our smooth (mostly) kept up roads.  And I say mostly, but in comparison to other countries, some of our worst roads are still better.  First world problems! 

My friend is really good at giving me food for thought.   

With all that said, please note that I am not complaining in the next few paragraphs…lol. 

So another thing my friend is really good at is attracting insane drivers…I had my first experience in dialing the highway patrol to report a crazy trucker that was scaring the fire out of us on a major strip of highway.  The dispatcher was really nice, and said she would notify someone in the area to check him out, but right about then, we finally reached our exit so I don’t know if they got him or not.  He was driving too fast for a semi, and passing people in the far right hand lane AND the far left hand lane, and crossing lanes every couple minutes.  For the record, my friend was a cool, calm, and collected driver…haha.  She was speeding (but not TOO much, of course) and this guy was still on top of us, so she let him pass us but then he was weaving over into our lane and we were I was flipping out…I was like, uh, if he wrecks, we have nowhere to go…we are just goners.  I’m not pessimistic at all…but he was a big fella and between him and the concrete wall, well…it would have been over.  So we decided our best bet would be to take the next opportunity and fly past him and try to get away…but then he kept up with us so we made a unanimous decision and I called to report him.  Whew.  Thankful nothing happened though. 

And again…first world problem.  But first world or third world, I can still be thankful.  And I am.

Back in North Carolina

What a draining week.  A huge thank you to everyone who prayed and sent healing thoughts my way…honestly, it was the fastest disappearing sore throat I think I’ve ever had.  It started Friday evening and when I woke up on Saturday morning after a long night of not being able to sleep because of not feeling good, my throat was swollen and I was exhausted.  I took advil and tylenol with me and got on the road with mom and dad about 7:30, and by the time we got to Virginia, my throat had already started feeling better and by the end of the day, it was only mildly swollen and a little hard to swallow but not nearly as painful as the usual sore throat.  Usually it’s at least a 2-3 day thing when my throat hurts like that, but this time it was only about 24 hours.  Thank God. 

Anyway, I rode up with mom and dad on Saturday and then KC flew up on Monday evening and I flew home with him on Wednesday night after the funeral.  It (the funeral) was tough.  I don’t really want to go back over that part again.  But I did want to get back on here and let everyone know how much I appreciated your prayers. 

Also, I don’t want to fly Delta again if I can ever help it.  LOL.  We were supposed to be home by 10:30 on Wednesday night and didn’t end up getting back until after 1am.  Fog, musical airplanes, double booked seats on a full flight…I’m just glad we GOT home.  lol. 

Except for the sad circumstances of the trip, it was good to see the family up there again…my dad’s siblings, plus the extended family members that you don’t see until someone is getting married or there’s a funeral.  Still sad, but you remember all the happy moments and still find something to smile about.  We spent a lot of time looking through all Grandma’s photo albums and I put together a few pages of pictures of Grandma to put up at the receiving of friends.  Here’s some pics…I didn’t get any of my dad’s sister…she wasn’t at the funeral home yet when I took these of my dad and his brother (and brother’s family) and us…anyway.

It was pouring the rain all day. 

Anyway…next subject…I’m so annoyed right now…watching Sound of Music and KC keeps making fun of it.  LOL.  I am much more comfortable with this emotion.  Sorry…I know I have a twisted personality.  =)  Follow every rainbow, til you find your dream…..

I dream of not being annoyed OR sad.  Where’s the rainbow I follow for that??  LOL.  Like I said…twisted.  HA. 

So…”twisted” is getting off here to devote all my attention to the Sound of Music…and smacking KC every time he makes fun of it….goodnight. =)

Thank you

I appreciate your prayers…more than anyone could know.  I do have a special favor to ask though, if you think about it, I could really use your prayers…I’ve come down with a whopping head cold complete with sore throat and we’ve already got our flights booked for the funeral and right now I’m miserable.  If you could just pray that I can get over this really quickly so it doesn’t make an already tough week tougher… 

Thank you all so much. 

No Words

October 1925 - December 16, 2011

Honey, I’m HOME!

Yep….we made it back!!!  I popped on here to delete this post that I wrote last Sunday and scheduled for this coming Monday (in the event that we didn’t make it home) and then I decided…lol…I’ll just share it anyway…except I AM home safely (thank the Lord).  So for what it’s worth, this is what I was worrying about before I left home last Monday morning. 

In the unlikely event -- that something should happen to me and I should not return from this trip…

I am pretty sure that my kids will be taken care of because lots of people love them…but nobody likes my dogs, so Mom…or somebody, can you please see to it that somebody will love my dogs the way I do…even if it’s not you? 

And I shall schedule this post for the future…if it posts, it must have been my time, and don’t cry about it.  Much. =)

Or it’s possible that I might have forgotten to delete this post…in which case, never mind all that. 

But perhaps I should just let it post so whenever my time DOES come, ya’ll know that I really want somebody to love my dogs.  Cause they’re God’s creatures, too…even if they don’t have souls. 

OBVIOUSLY, I worry about my kids first, and we’ve got guardianship papers and power of attorney stuff, so in case of emergency, that stuff should be all in order, but dogs don’t really qualify in that sort of thing, so…

Please…love my dogs.  Let them stay inside and be your babies and let them visit my kids (if you’re not the one who has the kids) every so often and let them love you back and sleep with you and guard your house for you.  For me.  Okay?  Thanks in advance. =)

By the way…I love all ya’ll.  Mean it. 

AnyWHO.  Now, I feel rather silly for even being worried but I’m very grateful for safe travels and that our kiddies were safe here at home with the in-laws. 

But we spent all week with no internet or phone (it cost TWO arms and TWO legs for that stuff on the boat) so now I’m trying to catch up on everything.  I don’t remember if I mentioned where we were going, but we took a cruise ship to Mexico for our 10 year anniversary.  Celebrating a little early since our anniversary isn’t til next month, but we didn’t want to miss Christmas with the kids…so all week, we were on THIS:

And by the way, the above picture was NOT color enhanced in photoshop.  That’s straight out of the camera (just a slight sharpen action and that’s it).  That was on the dock in Costa Maya.  I have tons of pics but I’ll make that another post later this week. 

Also, don’t forget, if you’re interested in getting into the digital scrapping thing, the giveaway for that ever so fun and helpful program ends tomorrow…uh….I guess tomorrow night since I’m usually too busy on Sundays to get to that before then.  So…CLICK HERE and leave a comment on that post. 

Oh, and one more thing before I go….

Ain’t we cute?  This was formal night on the cruise…they had photographers set up in like 10 different places taking photos…but we only bought two.  Notice, you only see one arm on each of us in this picture…that’s because it took our other two to buy the two photos.  HAHA.  I’m kidding…sort of.  LOL. 

So…more to come.  Stay tuned (or if you don’t care to see any more, then I guess it’s more like “be warned” hahaha)

Oh and BY THE WAY…it’s not quite our ACTUAL anniversary yet, but I still really like this post I wrote on our fifth anniversary…and if you’re a nerd like me who likes to see then/now photos, there is a THEN photo of our wedding day on that post…I love that sort of thing.  LOL.  Okay…leaving for real now…

Brain Clutter

Well, I’m back again.  Hopefully not going to get the blue screen of death tonight.  =( 

I’m in a strange mood…I probably shouldn’t blog in this mood, but here I am anyway.  I don’t even know how to describe my mood, I’ve just got a lot of stuff on my mind and don’t really know how to talk about it. 

It’s like trying to clean out your house in front of an audience.  You pick up one thing and…oops…that’s kind of private…can’t touch that in front a crowd, let’s try this pile of clutter…nope don’t want to go there.  Okay, how bout just cleaning behind the couch…gag…is that a hairball?  Can the audience please forget they saw that?  How embarrassing!

Yeah, that’s kinda how I feel about doing a brain dump here.  The things that are cluttering up my mind these days are like my underwear drawer…all jumbled up, but necessary, and not something you’d want to sort out in front of a lot of people. 

I mean, just look at my analogies tonight…do you really think a total thought dump would be wisdom?  Yeah, I thought you’d see it my way. 

Here…how bout some gorgeous scenery?  This is from Munchkin’s field trip to the zoo on Thursday.  I didn’t feel all that great on Thursday, but I managed.  I tried to back out on Tuesday when I realized I was going to be exhausted from being sick and not up for walking a gazillion steps from North America all the way to Africa (after driving 2 hours), but the teacher laid the ol’ guilt trip on me and I’m a sucker like that.  I made it, but boy was I tired.  I went to bed at 10 that night and slept til 1 the NEXT day!  Well, I did get up to take the kids to school at 7, but then I came back and went right back to sleep.  I NEVER sleep that much.  Well anyway, back to that scenery:

I’m not quite sure, but I think that yellow stuff in the foreground of that gorgeous scenery, might possibly be ragweed. 

Which might explain why my eyes felt heavy and Munchkin kept saying hers were burning when we were sitting there six inches away from it. 

My eyes are heavy now.  That’s some powerful ragweed.  Or maybe I’m just tired.  I cleaned all 3.5 bathrooms today…that will do it…lol.  And ew…speaking of things you wouldn’t want to clean in front of an audience…haha. 

And now I’m back to thinking about the clutter in my brain that I don’t want to deal with right now.  Which makes me want to just throw up my hands and go to bed…except then, I’ll probably have weird dreams again…which could add to the clutter I don’t want to deal with in my brain.  Aaack…it’s a vicious cycle. 

Speaking of vicious cycles, I was rather annoyed at one of my kids who was expressing their frustrations in a very whiney way, and I was making them aware of how annoying that was and how that never works, and how it makes me sad that they are not thankful even though life’s not always fair…and then God turned it around on me.  And He said, if tomorrow things turn sour on you, wouldn’t you have a hard time being thankful, too?  Oh God, forgive me when I whine…or when I get aggravated at my kids for whining…I have too many things to be thankful for to be whining over any of it…even if I’m only whining on the inside.  I think my tone probably changed in my conversation with the kiddo…I suddenly became a little more understanding.  LOL.  God help me. 

And now, I really AM going to bed.  Weird dreams or not.  =)