A (Mini) Series Of Unfortunate Events

Barbie Doll

Barbie Doll, somewhere  between the age of 18 & 22, of Western North Carolina, passed away Wednesday, Dec. 3, 2008, in  church. A prior resident of NotToFarFromHere County, she was adopted by a very young Miss Always Faith, and at the time of her death, resided in This County. She was preceded in death by a sister, Skipper. Surviving are eleven (give or take 1 or 2) sisters/sister in laws (all named Barbie), a few husbands (all named Ken), one little brother (Kevin), & five nieces (two named Kelly and three baby triplets). Funeral services were held at 10:30 p.m. Wednesday next to the trash can with the Mrs. Always Faith officiating. Burial will be whenever the trashbag containing her body reaches the County Memorial Stinkplace (known to locals as "the dump"). The family will not be receiving friends due to the emotional state of Ms. Doll's most recent "mother," Miss Munchkin. In lieu of flowers, please send all donations to the "Do Not Store Barbie's In Hot Places Or Their Necks Will Rot" Foundation.

 

Doll Suffers From Tragic Accident In Church Service

Ms. Barbie Doll was having her hair done during church when her neck snapped.  She was old in Barbie years and belonged to another generation. It seems that somewhere between generations, she suffered from the Excessive Heat In Storage malady that appears to affect rubber necks with rot, causing them to break with little hope of survival (as was also the case with her deceased sister).  Mrs. Always Faith was on the scene at the time of the tragedy and valiantly performed CPR but with no success.  Ms. Doll's head continued to fall off and she was pronounced dead approximately 10 minutes after CPR started.  There was drama in the pew when the current generation did not want her to die, but Mrs. Always Faith prevailed and the body was wrapped in graveclothes for burial after church.  Mrs. Faith was sad because Ms. Doll was a gift to her in her own childhood and was one of her favorite dolls, but she remained strong through the end of church and conducted a private funeral later that night. Ms. Doll was a longtime member of the family and will be missed.  Weeping may endure for the night, but joy will (most likely) come in the (form of a NEW Barbie on Christmas) morning.