Breathless

No really. I mean like I'm having problems getting all the necessary air to breathe. It's been bothering me since this afternoon. Weird. I almost didn't go to church tonight b/c it was bothering me but I'm glad I did now. I needed to hear tonight's message.....I think I'll be chewing on that for quite awhile. It was good.

Other stuff going on.....I've been trying to get the bouncer's lifebook (for the part of his life that he's been here) caught up. It's a work in progress, but I'm getting there. I'm going to take half a day tomorrow b/c I have to pick up some groceries and I need to tidy up the house a bit so the social worker who is supposed to visit tomorrow evening won't think we're slobs. Maybe I'll get everything tidied up early and get to finish the pages I've been working on.

I'm kinda worried about tomorrow night. The social worker is going to talk to the bouncer about his move to the new foster and hopefully adoptive home and I'm just so afraid that he won't take it well. He has been fine with the family that is going to be keeping him after Friday but whenever we try to mention (in a round-about way) anything about him ever leaving us, he gets very upset and tells us he doesn't want to go. I am almost positive that this has been the first really "stable" and "steady" environment he's had, and I have a feeling that he is afraid to leave it b/c he isn't sure what the next place will be like, in which case, once he is there for a little while and maybe even just once he realizes that they are going to try to adopt him and that he is going to have a permanent, steady, and stable home environment with a family who will love him to death--forever, that he will be just fine and not miss us at all. I have mixed feelings about him leaving, and about him missing us. On the one hand, I'm ready to get a break and then again I'm going to miss him like crazy.....and then on the one hand, I kinda want him to miss us a little but then on the other hand, I don't want him to miss us at all b/c it will be an easier transition if he doesn't have a hard time leaving us. It's a crazy mixed up thing, but I know this is for the best. His new family is going to absolutely treat him like a treasure and I think once he realizes that, that he will be in seventh heaven. I feel sure that this is the right thing for him and them, I'm just afraid of the journey.....I guess I have a hard time with change. But I would rather that WE be the ones that have a hard time with it and not him, for his sake. And if it's anything like it was when he left his last foster home and came with us, he barely even mentioned them at all and totally was unconcerned about leaving them....just super excited to come with us. So hopefully it will be like that again.

As for the other one in our house......well......nothing really new on her end. I heard during prayers last night that "Tiny" isn't her friend anymore and "Ta-De" is now her friend b/c "Tiny" squeezed her face and then munchkin headbutted her back and got put in time out so now they're enemies. And then after school today, the bouncer was telling me the same thing about how "Tiny" was getting revenge this morning for the headbutting incident and pushed munchkin's head into a pole and then SHE got time out. LOL. Can't help but laugh. I thought to myself.....isn't she kinda young for this exclusive friend thing to be rotating to new people over stupid little things? Heaven help us when they get old enough to fight over boys. Haha. Other than all that, she's doing fairly well.

I'm really rather tired and my nose is running like a faucet. I'm wondering if maybe the breathing problems and nose dripping thing might be connected. Allergies possibly? I'm on meds for allergies, but maybe it's just getting really thick out there and the meds aren't cutting it all the way. Hm.

I'm going to bed now in hopes that when I wake up......I will be able to breathe normally again. Ya don't know how much you appreciate air until it's not all there. *sigh*

Later.