Monday Messages: "They're Back" edition

Dear Lungs of Faith,
What is up with you? As much hot air as you expel on a daily basis, you would THINK you had a huge capacity to contain your oxygen. Why then can you not seem to give Faith as much air as she needs? She would really like you to do better on this. Would a daily walk make you feel better? Do you want her to exercise? Is that what this is about? Cuz I'm just tellin ya, that's not too likely to happen. Don't hold your breath on that one. No REALLY. DON'T hold your breath!
Sincerely,
Desperately Seeking A Teeny Bit More Oxygen


Dear Munchkin,
I love you. You have been so great lately. *insert knock on wood* It is so easy to love you when you're this sweet. It also makes it easier to love you when you're not being so sweet b/c you've banked up on the sweetness factor. I love that your sweetness balance is not in the red these days b/c it really helps me not SEE red every time you have a little fit. It's taken us a long time, but I'm glad to see some progress in your behaviors. Please don't go back to being the little meanie again, okay? I like you much better like this. PS You're really funny these days, too. And just so you know, that really helps your case when mommy is *trying* to be *mad* at you b/c it's really hard for mommy to be mad when she's desperately trying not to laugh.
Love you sweetie,
Mommy


Dear K-man,
I have *faith* that we're going to get through YOUR meanie stage b/c I'm finally seeing improvement with your sister. That means there has to be hope for you, too. This is good. Very good. But please. Please. If you want more drink, say "more." I know you can say that and I know YOU know you can say that. It is really bugging me that you forcefully THROW your empty drink at who/whatever is in range (mommy, the floor, your sister, the toys...) when you get mad b/c your drink is empty. That is NOT how you ask for a refill. Thank you very much.
Love,
Bruised and Irritated
(but I still love you)


Dear Social Services,
Ya'll need to get your act together. You are seriously disappointing me. I was so impressed for the longest time b/c your services in this county seem to be so much more "foster parent user-friendly" than the services that I read/hear about in other counties/states. However. That's very rapidly becoming NOT the case. Come on now. Take care of business...and don't leave your foster parents hanging out to dry.
Sincerely,
Concerned Foster Parent


Dear Sewing Machine (sitting in my garage),
I am SO sorry that you are being pitifully neglected. My pile of projects is screaming my name and I REALLY want to get back to you, but I fear it's going to have to wait a few more weeks anyways. Please forgive me.
Missing you,
Your owner


To Whom It May Concern,
Do you think it would be possible to invent self laundering clothes? My never ending laundry pile would thank you. Oh, and if you can't invent self laundering clothes, how about clothes baskets that automatically fold the contents? That would be just as helpful, if not even better!!! *GRIN*
Sincerely,
Sick Of Dirty and Unfolded Clothes


Dear New Electric Fireplace,
You are soo cool, no, make that WARM. I'm in love. You are beautiful and so cozy feeling in our living room and i love the homey feeling you add to the place. I hope you will stay forever.
Love,
A wife with a genius hubby whose brilliant idea brought the fireplace to our home


Dear Bedtime,
I don't know what to do with you. When I allow you to be later for the kids, it works out great for us having a life after 7pm, but makes it torture for me to wake them up in the mornings for school. It's bad enough that "I" can't drag myself out of bed after staying up late the night before, but when they are also groggy and won't wake up, it is incredibly hard to get all of us out of the house before 7:45. That's bad. Especially when I *should* be leaving the house at 7:15. I'm so stuck either way I go. I hope this problem gets better once I'm able to stay home with the kids.
Sincerely,
Stumped Mommy


Dear Dr. Pepper,
I adore you. I should not. But I do. And I shall never be able to give you up forever. I keep coming back. AHHHHHH. You are simply an addiction that I cannot break. *sigh*
Yours,
Addicted