Thursday, March 13, 2008

UGH.

I am so aggravated at the little...ahem....terrors.....who are at this moment BOTH fighting bedtime.

One of those little terrors (the one who is talking somewhat coherent "human" these days--as opposed to the one who speaks mainly "monkey") told her speech therapist today all kind of tales, just out of the blue. The therapist called me and was quite amused. Ya know how ya never know what they will come up with next (like in the last post)....well....the story that the therapist got was that munchkin's daddy rubbed (or whupped....i'm not sure which was actually said) mommy's....ahem....rear. Not only that, but munchkin's...ahem....rear....hurt today b/c mommy rubbed it with hot stuff last night. WHAAAAAA????? Where do they come UP with this stuff? I let the social worker know just in case anything came up, and she didn't sound concerned about it at all (which was a relief) but we are going to put her back in play therapy for a little while again and we've had some long conversations tonight about telling stories and making up lies. I don't know what is up with her these days. Also tonight, she came out of the bathroom and said she had washed her hands and something in the way she said it made me hesitate and check her hands (which is something I never do) and they were completely dry, so I walked her back to the sink, which was also totally dry and I pointed those two facts out to her and explained to her that her story could not possibly be true and asked her why she lied about it. She said, I'm sorry, mommy. It's okay. I'm washing them now. I was like, hello, that's NOT the point. The point is, you told me a lie about it. "That's okay," she says, with a calmness that infuriates the fire out of me. UGHHHHHH.

She was doing wonderful about bedtime since sometime in December, she would read for about half an hour, and then put away the book and go to sleep without having to fight with her about it. Well, the last couple of weeks, she has not put down the books until like 11 or 11:30 and I kinda let it go b/c I didn't want to fight about it, but she's looking awful and has terribly tired eyes, so I have started going in to make sure she puts the book away earlier, and also started putting her to bed earlier so that she can still have time to read before sleep. Well, she's made it a huge fight and every night so far, the book will go away and then she'll climb around the bed and play with her animals and blabber to herself until 11 or 11:30 and I have to keep going in there and telling her to go to sleep. So tonight I turned the bright nightlights off and just left one little dim one on in there to discourage playtime. I gave her plenty of warning that it was going to happen if she didn't go to sleep and she didn't listen. So I did it and she screamed and pitched a fit and everything else....it's now 10 and she's been in bed since 8:30. But at least she's now quiet. I am SO aggravated with her. Is this considered regression when they've made serious improvements and then gone back to the rebellious hateful behaviors??? I wonder if this has anything to do with the whole "other mommy" thing that has also been popping up in the last few weeks.

UGH. UGH. UGH.

And then K-man has been whiny and not wanting to go to sleep tonight, too. And he's usually my good sleeper. I think it's a conspiracy to drive me over the edge. Don't tell them, but I think it's working. EEEEEK. LOL.

So, I have a burning question for any of you experienced "mommies" who read this blog....

Is it a "must" to make a child aware of what the consequence for misbehavior will be before the misbehavior occurs or before you enforce the consequence? In other words, to say that you can't take away a privilege or give a consequence without letting them know ahead of time what the result will be if the behavior continues.

For example:
Child knows that XXXX behavior is prohibited. Does the behavior anyways. Do you:

A) Remove a favorite toy or tell them that the behavior they just performed cost them the treat they were going to get later or other terrible consequence and then proceed to move on without any further attention to the misbehavior or the fit they're now throwing (other than to provide more consequences if the fit results in more misbehavior) or

B) Let them know what the consequence will be if the behavior is performed again even though they are already aware that the behavior is not allowed and then wait until they perform the misbehavior again (and they will) before socking them with the consequence that you've told them will be coming OR

C) something completely different (in which case, I must ask you to please explain....LOL)

This is a hot topic in our household. I won't tell you which category I fall in (A or B) but I will tell you this, my momma didn't warn me of what the consequence would be when I did something I wasn't supposed to be doing and knew it. If I did it, I got the consequences. That's what I knew. And I didn't have to do it twice to get the consequences. And sometimes I wonder if they don't do things just to see what kind of consequence we'll come up with...I'm telling you, it's a conspiracy. LOL. And you could probably figure out, from everything I just said, which party I am in agreement with on that. LOL!

So come on. Give me some feedback....

8 comments:

  1. Okay Faith - ya gotta know I love this stuff - all stuff behavior/psychology I LOVE! These were always my fav classes in school!! This might be long, sorry. Anyways... so here is my 2 cents! :)

    If the child knows it is wrong then you should "punish" the child. Whether that punishment is positive punishment (spanking (pos bc you added something) or negative (neg bc you take something away like a toy) the punishment should happen immediately after the unwanted behavior. And then try to be consistent. If every time a child performs an undesirable behavior, the parent immediately responds with a punishment, that child will KNOW and expect to be in trouble. So if you are not consistent, then you are sending your child a message that he/she will only get in trouble some times for performing that behavior. Those behaviors, proven in research, are some of the hardest behaviors to stop. So consistency is the key.... AND... along with that, if you go crazy and excited when your child performs a desirable behavior, and are consistent with that, your child will begin to perform the desirable behavior more often knowing that he/she will receive praise!! Also, when a child does display undesirable behavior that needs to be extinguished, it is best if the punishment is done with little "attention." What I mean is if you send them for a time out (first, don't send them to a place like their room where they would have access to their toys because they are distracted and won't associate the punishment with a negative consequence) but if you sit in a chair and tell them not to move for 5 minutes, don't make a big deal about it. Firmly tell them to sit with very little emotion and such. But when they do a positive behavior go crazy with positive affirmations!! They will learn that they will not receive attention from unwanted behaviors, but WILL receive attention from desirable behaviors!!

    See.... I told you this wasn't gonna be a short answer!! Sorry!! That's my 2 cents anyway!! It works well for me anyway!! :)

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  2. Wow!! Sounds like you have your hands full. I'm no expert on kids, since I'm single and all and don't have any *grin*. But I have done my share of taking care of other peoples kids and in my oppinion if they know what they did is wrong, and they've already been warned, than consequences should follow.

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  3. Rochelle & Casey, I have to say I agree, that all makes sense and thanks for putting your sense (cents) in...LOL.

    I guess I should clarify a little bit though since my post from last night doesn't seem very clear this morning....LOL. A consequence should be enforced EVEN if they didn't know what the EXACT consequence was going to be ahead of time as long as they DID know that X Behavior = Consequence?

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  4. I think you are doing a great job with these children. I love reading you posted about them. You make me laugh. YOu see the humor in parenting and that is soooooooooooooo important. I know you will make the right choice for you have God on your side. *grin* I am not sure of the other party in your household. LOL !! The only thing that comes to mind is.. get the book written by forcus on the family about "stubborn will child" It's a great book and may help you. He also has a book called raising sons and a book on raising daughters. Check it them out!!

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  5. I don't think I ever, "named" a certain punishment for my girls. I was not creative enough, or had energy enough, to come up with several different concequinces. When they done something wrong for the first time, for example, Anna bit Casey's finger for the first time, I didn't spank her. I repremanded and explained why she shouldn't do it. I didn't say , now if you do this again, this is what will happen. I expected her to "not" do it again. of course, months later she did and her consecuinces were handed out. She knew better, since she had been there before.
    I think if you say, "Now if you do such and such again, this is what will happen", you are giving the child the impression that you expect that behavior again. When I correct my children, in whatever way I feel will be affective at the moment, depending on the offense, (with love and patience) I don't expect them to do it again, and I don't give them that impression.
    God is such a good gauge.

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  6. Good advice! I have nothing more to offer, HANG IN THERE! You are not alone. We are all making tough decisions every minute of every day!

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  7. If they knew it was wrong, then they should still receive some sort of "punishment" in my opinion. :)

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  8. Not sure if I have a "mommy" comment or not. But I'll tell you from a "child's" point of view. If you do it and you know Parents said not to, expect punishment. Spanking, grounding, favorite toy taken away. Mom says I didn't get spanked much b/c I saw the boys get into so much trouble I decided that I didn't need to go there. *lol* Thanks to the brothers! I learned from your mistakes!! hahaha.

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