Monday, December 17, 2007

Monday Messages (The Insane Edition)

Dear blog readers,
Hey....I got pictures....this is like twice in a month. Ain'cha proud? Just thought I'd point that out.....in case you decide to leave before ya get down to see the pictures. Hehe.
Sincerely Yours,
Always.Faith


Dear nearest mental facility,
I fear that it may soon be necessary for me to make an extended.....visit. I am sorely afraid that I am losing my mind. Perhaps my most recent clue to this upsetting thought is the fact that I misplaced my car in the parking lot. Not only that, but before I realized I had lost my car, I walked straight to one just like it in the next row over and actually thought to myself, Hmmmm, I don't remember putting black horse decals on the back. And who washed my car? Wait. this isn't right. Where's my Ohio State magnet? You idiot! This isn't your car. Where's my car? Then I proceeded to walk back up the aisle, and one over, still didn't see my car, turned around and it was on the other side of the mistaken Pilot. Seriously, like, as a heart attack, I REALLY DID think that before I gave myself a mental kick and thought about where people whose minds are haywire get to go.....I have concluded that I will never judge those little old ladies who wander around parking lots looking for their car. But please, I'm only 24.
Sincerely,
Would Like Stay on This Side of the Barred Windows.


Dear Children,
You are children. Not animals. Although if you MUST take on beastly characteristics, could you please be kittens instead of lions and tigers? Now I understand you are both feeling a bit under the weather, but really.....fits over the fact that I wanted you to LOOK at me when I'm talking to you are really quite unneccessary. Just thought I'd tell ya. Love ya anyways.
Mommy


Dear Sinus Infection,
When I told you to get away from me, I meant like, FAR AWAY. Out of my house. Not for you to go to one or both of my kids. HEL-LO!!!! You are making them miserable and subsequently that is causing ME to be miserable. And you know, since it's all about me....NOT.....anyways.....get out. NOW! Or I'm going to put you in time-out. Forever.
NOT LOVE,
Mommy


Dear Non-Existent Homeowners Association,
I'm sorry, but this is the HEIGHTH of TACKY.
I'm VERY thankful that these people are not my neighbors, but for the sake of the poor innocent people who must pass by on a regular basis, could you DO SOMETHING about this? At least let them know that seeing puddles of red, white, and green fabric which at some point may have been inflated does not lend itself to the Christmas Spirit ONE LITTLE BIT. Not counting the fact that they are running out of yard for the hideous monstrosities of the INflated and DEflated species. It's bad enough that the yard and porch is chock-full of junk (much like our garage, but at least we have the class to hide it) but to overflow the yard with such tackiness is beyond sickening.

Sincerely,

The lady down the road (but you can call me Mrs. Grinch)





Dear Peabody (or more appropriately PEEbody, formerly known as Jango or FatCat),
STOP IT ALREADY!!!!! YOU ARE MAKING ME MAD!!!!!! I absolutely refuse to get rid of you and you are making it extremely difficult for me to convince KC of your worth. I don't know how much longer I can plead your cause if you don't cease and desist with the potty breaks in places other than your litter box. GOT IT? And by the way, don't think I'm not watching you and that mischievous look in your eyes. You better straighten up and toe the line, mister, or you're gonna wind up banished to the garage, regardless of my sincere efforts to defend you.
Love,
Your Discusted Mommy


Dear Hubby,
Okay....are you satisfied? She finds this book in one of the piles of kids books that I've stockpiled away for if we get older kids and ecstatically runs out to the living room to open to the middle where the pictures are so that she can show you Dar Aider.....without either one of us prompting her as to who "Darth Vader" is. Not only that, but she proceeded to spend the rest of her time before bed poring over those pictures in the middle of the book. One of us, she truly is. Especially given that she's not seen any of the Star Wars movies. LOL. Congratulations on your young padwan, daddy!!!!
Love, Still chuckling


Dear K-man,
Will you try to time it so that your being sick does NOT fall on Sundays when it takes at least 8 times longer to get prescriptions filled due to the wait for the pharmacy to open and then the fact that our regular drive through one is closed when we need it and we wind up going to one that takes an hour and a half to fill the crazy prescription. Yeah. If you MUST be sick, how bout doing it on a workday.....so I can call in and stay home with you without missing church. I'm sure people at church will need to be re-introduced to me when I finally get to go again since it's been so long....you're gonna have to shape up, too, little guy. And yeah, I guess I forgive ya for being sick on Sunday....given that you didn't really have much of a choice yourself.
Love you, buddy, and I hope you feel better soon b/c I miss your cheerful sweetness which has been replaced by a mini Munchkin 'tude.
Lovingly,
Mommy


Dear Self....
Perk up dearie and get over it. Oh and while you're at it....get a grip on that tongue of yours. Silence is golden, don'cha know.
Seriously shutting up now,
Me

2 comments:

  1. Jules3:33 PM

    Love the little girl "reading" the Star Wars book. *lol* Too cute.
    :o)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Poor Neighbors of the "tacky" house.

    I am soooo sorry. This might be the one time I would actually write a letter to someone who might be able to do something!! LOL!!

    ReplyDelete

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